oh, that's interesting

My Favorite Slam

2008-08-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this is the wide open year. We got it. On both sides. I am not ready to say Rafa is unstoppable at the US Open, where he has been known to crumble. And with the craziness that is every female player who isn't Dinara Safina, I am cursing heaven that J-Cap isn't playing. She totally could eat up ;-) the field this year and finally win!

I am so lost. This has got to be the last year for good old Dav, who could very likely fall in round one or simply retire from the match. I am willing to pick Fed to step it up and own everyone, at the same time I can see him falling to either Chris Guccione or Radek Stepanek in Round 3.

God help us, if Elena holds the trophy, double faulting her way to victory.

I am all for surprises. I am picking Dinara and Fernando Gonzalez

Filthy gorgeous

2008-08-15T18:51:00.003-07:00

This just needs to be seen and listened to daily. For optimal enjoyment, listen to it on your iPod, maybe while strutting through Chelsea or the village, in fun sunglasses and a tight tee.

Filthy gorgeous

2008-08-15T18:51:00.001-07:00

This just needs to be seen and listened to daily. For optimal enjoyment, listen to it on your iPod, maybe while strutting through Chelsea or the village, in fun sunglasses and a tight tee.

After a break, some necessary filthy and gorgeous fun

2008-07-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

this is just insanely fun. for optimal pleasure, i recommend listening to this on iPod while strutting through chelsea in a tight tee and sunglasses.

When you're walkin' down the street
And the man tries to get your business
And the people that you meet
Want to open you up like Christmas
You gotta wrap your fuzzy with a big red bow
Ain't no sum bitch gonna treat me like a ho
I'm a classy honey kissy huggy lovey dovey ghetto princess

Cuz you're filthy Oooh, and I'm gorgeous
Cuz you're filthy Oooh, and I'm gorgeous
You're disgusting Oooh, and you're nasty
And you can grab me oooh, cuz you're nasty

When you're runnin' from a trick
And you trip on a hit of acid
You gotta work for the man
But your biggest moneymakers' flaccid
You gotta keep your shit together
With your feet on the ground
There ain't no-one gonna listen
If you haven't made a sound
You're an acid junkie college flunky dirty puppy daddy bastard

Cuz you're filthy Oooh, and I'm gorgeous
Cuz you're filthy Oooh, and I'm gorgeous
You're disgusting Oooh, and you're nasty
And you can grab me oooh, cuz you're nasty

The Championships'08

2008-06-22T15:34:00.000-07:00

Crazy Wimbledon.

That's right. This Wimbledon has everything aligned for some truly memorable, exciting, annoying, and hist0ry-breaking results. For starters, Roger's record is on the line, and somehow it would not be altogether shocking for him to lose here. Still, as we learned in France, he can play subpar and still book himself a spot in the final. I just don't know. I hate Djokovic to death and have him going out to Hot Marat in Round 2. The chances this will happen are miniscule. But I have to do it. Meanwhile, Venus and Serena are on opposite sides of the draw, and what a return to yesteryear with an all-Williams final! They bring their stuff to England. Serena's half is easier I think. But Venus I think refuses to lose to Maria at Wimbledon, but can Venus get past Jankovic, who is the last person to beat her at Wimbledon, and the only one to do so, besides Serena, in forever. Also, Maria will be wearing shorts. I would have thought after last year's third round defeat at the US Open, she might have learned to eschew such publicizing and glorifying her outfits and stick to tennis. I hope we don't see the same result!

Men. Round of 16
Fed over Lleyton
Ancic over Berdych
Safin over Stanislas
Bagh over Nalbandian
Andy over Blake. Fun match!
Davydenko over Niemenenenen
Murray over Gasquet
Nadal over Youzhny

Quarters
Fed over Ancic
Bagh over Safin (Safin will prob lose in Round 1)
Andy over Davydenko
Nadal over Murray, but after Murray's angry tirade, totally annoying of course, I want him to win.

Sems
Fed over Bagh. I will be dying during this match.
Roddick over Nadal. I go out of my way to be wrong.

Final: Fed over Andy. Still...

Now, let's hear it for the ladies
Sweet 16
Ana over Paszek
Stosur over Chaka
Aggie over Kutz
Serena over Kirlenko
Dav over Safarova
Maria over Nadia
Venus over Hantuchova
Jelena over Kraijek

Quarters
Ana over Stosur
Serena over Ags
Maria over Dav
Venus over Jelena (Match of the women's draw! Not because of the match-up, but because of the assured competitiveness. All other big matches will not live up to the excitement)

Sems
Serena over Ana
Venus over Maria
Winner: Old V

Tomorrow is Huge

2008-06-04T19:23:00.000-07:00

Ladies Semi-final Day at Roland Garros! Ole! Can you all believe we made it? I kinda can't. Are we getting to the point where we shouldn't even expect it to see the Williams in the latest days of a slam? I kinda hope not. Wimbledon should turn that around, I would suspect. We need some Serena fire though. Venus can win at Wimbledon while simultaneously beading her hair. But we are not talking about the Williams. We have two Russian fullbacks, and two whimsically delightful Serbs to talk about!

Let's get the first sweaty, fugly match out of the way.
(4) Kuznetsova v. (13) Safina.
This match is either going to be a tough three-setter where anyone can win, or Dinara is going to run away with this match over the flaky Sveta. Either way, I think Dinara has the edge. Rankings mean nothing to me in this match-up, on this venue. Dinara has officially beaten everyone on clay this season and Kutz, despite thinking that with Justine gone, she is now the best living clay courter, well, she is also the most inconsistent Slam powderpuff.
I can't believe my draw actually might come true!
Dinara in 3

The most wonderful match ever:
(2) Ana Ivanovic v. (3) Jelena Jankovic
The forehand vs the backhand
Does someone really have to lose this match? And with all the goodwill and wonderment on the court, will it really ever have to end? This is going to be delightful I hope. We have seen Venus and Serena never really live up to expectations when they've played each other, same for our retired Belgians. I don't know how the hype/media/nationalism is going to approach the two Serbs now. It doesn't seem to have been so much of a factor yet in their careers. We are told repeatedly that yes, they are Serbian, but they clearly don't seem as connected as Venus and Serena, not even as connected as Justine and Kim. I think the Serbs will take after the onslaught of Russians and when they play each other, it won't be a bigger deal than anyone/thing else. I don't know. Ana and Jelena's relationship does not appear as intense as the sisters' and the Belgians'. Mind you, tomorrow is the first time they are playing one another at a Slam. Neither has won a Slam, as we all know, and I would like to think that the winner of their match is the heavy favorite for the title. But I could be entirely wrong there. Ana leads their head-to-head by a whopping 5-1. They have only played once on clay and Ana has won that, too. Clay may be Jelena's best surface, or maybe not her best, but she still seems more natural (and better) out there to me than the 6'1" Ana does. Yet, Ana is racing (killing opponents) through all of her matches and Jelena, god help this goofball, she seems perfectly fine to lose a set any old time. Still, I don't know who is mentally tougher at this point because at times, they both strike me as a sweet, lovely giggle. Jelena is easily one who can just laugh through an entire match, while setting aside 3 timeouts with the trainer. Ana has been to two finals now so maybe that will mean something. I really can't choose, but my gut wants Jelena to win because, making a Sophie's Choice, I like her more. My brain is telling me Ana, though.
Ana in 3.

But I am rooting for Serbia....and good tennis.

Viva La Franze, Sanz Justine

2008-05-24T16:03:00.000-07:00

JUSTINE WILL NOT 4-PEAT. My feelings can best be summed up by one extended syllable: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

So who is going to win? Jesus, who knows. Tennis is just a mess these days. Women are injured. Dinara Safina is beating everyone. Federer is sick and a Nadal win would be so predictable. Djokovic is good, but lately, shaky every so often. And Kuerten (awww) is retiring.

Mens Round of 16
Federer over Juan Monaco
Wawrinka over Andreev
Ferrero over Davydenko (prob not)
Ferrer over Stepanek
Tipsarevic over Berdych
Canas over Moya. (Canas is beating Djok Round 3?)
Nalbandian over Almagro
Nadal over Verdasco

Quarters
Fed over Wawrinka (all swiss!)
Ferrer over Ferrero
Canas over Tipsarevic
Nadal over Nalbandian

Semis
Ferrer over Fed
Nadal over Nalbandian

Winner: Rafa. Bite the trophy, you brute.

Ladies, with an attitude
Round of 16
Dinara over Maria (maybe)
Dementieva over Bammer (maybe not)
Kutz over Azarenka
Szavay over Medina Garrigues
Venus over Dechy
Jankovic over Cornet
Serena over Pascek
Ana over Alona

Quarters
Dinara over Dementieva
Szavay over Kutz
Janky over Venus
Serena over Ana (I have no idea!)

Sems
Dinara over Szavay
Janky over Serena (For real?)

Winner JELENA!

The Newest Brunt Of My Corporate Wrath

2008-03-25T07:58:00.000-07:00

Staples! So, listen to this saga. For Christmas I bought my mother a very nice, cute, and compact photo printer. My mom being practical and thrifty, yet entirely appreciative, knew she did not really need it. I, being somewhat scatterbrained, lost the receipt. So returning it was destined to be a problem. (Staples, not quite so easy) But good old mom wrastled her way to a full return for store credit, in the form of a lovely Staples giftcard, which my mom immediately handed over to me. Yippee! But what did I want to buy from the office superstore? Actually, nothing, unless they sold iTunes giftcards. I wasn't sure if they would, but I was tickled when I walked into the store and was pleasantly welcomed by a whole wall of them! Double Yay!

So I bought a large number of cards and happily sauntered to the cash register. There is always drama at the West Orange, Staples cash registers, but it didn't even bother me. The cashier even joked, "Someone likes to download music!" and I smiled. It was all utterly cordial, until I was harshly told that iTunes cards cannot be purchased with a Staples card. It is almighty "policy." It is written and taped to the counter, which clearly is where any rational argument ends.

But I was not done. Find my conversation with Rhonda, a Staples customer service rep. Staples. NOT SO EASY! I will never shop there again.

Initial Question/Comment: Why can I not use a Staples giftcard to buy iTunes cards?
Welcome to Staples. We will be with you shortly. *The estimated wait time is an estimation and may or may not be an accurate reflection of your wait time. However, your position in queue is accurate.

Rhonda has joined this session! Connected with Rhonda
Paul: Hello
Rhonda: Hello Paul
Paul: I was very disappointed to learn a Staples giftcard could not be used to buy an iTunes card
Rhonda: The gift cards are limited to purchases, they can not be used for staples.com orders, only store purchases. I am sorry about that.
Paul: I went to the store and tried to buy them there
(long pause)
Paul: Hello?
Rhonda: I am sorry about that,
Paul: Should I be able to buy them in the store? Given what you said, it sounds like I can, just not from staples.com
Rhonda: Did the store tell you this could not be applied to iTunes?
Paul: yes
Rhonda: I am sorry, they can not be used for that purchase, I understand that is frustrating,
Paul: Very. It really doesn't make any sense
Rhonda: It should specify the requirements on the back of the card.
Paul: Is there any reason why a staples card can only be applied to certain items bought from staples?
Rhonda: I am sorry, I do not know why,
Paul: Well, I will remember this. I had higher hopes from Staples
Paul: Thank you for your help
Rhonda: You as well.

When I Run Hollywood

2008-03-08T19:05:00.000-08:00

To further prove how savvy I am in the entertainment world, I offer - sans finder fee - the following projects. Basically these actresses should be playing sisters - not Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson. Let's start the fun!

1. Elisabeth Shue and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Ok, these two are really dead ringers. It makes so much sense. One would be a strung out hooker, the other a strung out crackwhore. They can flip a coin. Co-dependent fun! The movie would be crazy depressing and intense. Oscar noms for both.

2. Julia Roberts and Juliette Binoche. These two have very similar features. Maybe Juliette Binoche ran away to France at a young age and then their mother died and Julia Roberts had to go back to Europe for a tense reunion. Total chick-flick.

3. Emily Blunt and Marion Cotillard. If you thought Shue and Jason Leigh were dead ringers, check this out! Maybe this film could have a bit of a horror/thriller aspect to it; or better yet, some weird doubling trippiness, penned by Charlie Kaufmann. Makes sense.

4. Winona Ryder and Keira Knightley. Two hip trendy New Yorkers fall in love with the same guy. A lot of tension ensues. I don't know what happens, but I can see them wearing a lot of couture trench coats and stuff.

5. Lesley Ann Warren and Susan Sarandon. Susan is an upscale rich socialite; Lesley is her homebody embarrassment of a sister. One of them gets sick. The other must care for her. Basically Marvin's Room without the beach.

6. Meryl Streep and Tilda Swinton. I don't know if they are sisters or mother/daughter. Maybe Meryl is the mom and Tilda moves back in after abandoning her family. She needed to find herself again and wise Mom has all the answers.

7. Kate Beckinsale and Parker Posey. Let's throw some comedy into the mix. Not that Beckinsale will ever be noted for her adept comic timing. This movie will be NYC neurotic city. Parker is crazy and Kate is perfect. This movie will have no plot, but will feature hot outfits and fancy drinks.

8. Charlize Theron and Tara from Friday Night Lights. Charlize is the hot older sister who got away. Tara is the hot younger sister who needs to get away. Charlize returns home and convinces Tara to come to the big city and live with her. Everything goes wonderfully for Tara; she misses her at home boyfriend, but in the end, he comes around and moves in with her.

9. Nicole Kidman and Amy Adams. Ok, now you have to imagine a pre-crazy plastic surgery Nicole Kidman. This movie would actually never work, but Days of Thunder Nikki would have matched up nicely with Amy. They are both spoiled sisters, thrust out on their own; most likely a period piece, competing for husbands or something.

10. Alicia Silverstone and Christine Taylor. The sisterhood which has been waiting to happen for years. The only way to salvage this clearly abominal movie would be to attempt at some kind of Romy&Michelle funness. It may go straight to DVD and then live on TBS.

I realize these stories are redonk, but the casting is sublime.

This is all I am going to say about this Oscars

2008-02-27T19:15:00.000-08:00

I had a fun time watching the show. It moved smoothly and felt like it was going by quickly which I think is the truest sign of a good host. That and if I don't viscerally hate said host by the end of the broadcast, then that is success in my book. Anyway, there were no real winners to get excited over, except for one, and everyone is talking about her so I guess I should too: Marion Cotillard.

Now, when I first saw Le Vie, I didn't really like it. It started out promising, but then took a dour turn. I had no idea Edith Piaf/Pilaf was so annoying as a person, crazy, and to a very real extent, mentally challenged. Mostly, how yelly she was, in an annoying way, really got to me, in a bad way. I am not sure if her performance was so great so much as the editing (lip-synching), the music, and the makeup to age her. We shouldn't be surprised over her win because basically any man who played a star in a biopic, aging about 70 years in the process, was a shoo-in to win, so it is nice to see we are no longer sexist in that respect. Keeping with tradition, the woman who takes on the role which has the greatest physical spectacle/achievement, is also a safe bet.

My evidence:
1995 Susan Sarandon -- Dead Man Walking: Started the NO MAKE-UP trend, which is huge.
1996 Frances McDormand -- Fargo: Her pregnancy was her character
1997 Helen Hunt -- As Good As It Gets: She is kinda an exception here. She also didn't deserve to win, but she did wear a white t-shirt in the rain.
1998 Gwyneth Paltrow -- Shakespeare in Love: Girl playing a boy on stage
1999 Hilary Swank -- Boys Don't Cry: Girl playing a real boy real well
2000 Julia Roberts -- Erin Brockovich: Holy boobs and wonder bra!
2001 Halle Berry -- Monster's Ball: More huge boobs, and no make-up
2002 Nicole Kidman -- The Hours: Fake nose, I can't believe I actually pointed that out.
2003 Charlize Theron -- Monster: Ugly Monster
2004 Hilary Swank -- Million Dollar Baby: Trained...got really butch
2005 Reese Witherspoon -- Walk the Line: Another exception, but she did go brunette.
2006 Helen Mirren -- The Queen: Transformation
2007 Marion Cotillard -- La Vie en Rose: Transformation again

Oh, and Marion's win was the only surprise and her dress was the only one really memorable in hindsight. Hers and perfect Penelope's!

Get This Woman A Script, and I'm In

2008-02-22T20:09:00.000-08:00

What is it about Nicole Kidman movies? No, seriously, what is it about her in movies? She is pretty much everything I should hate in an actress, but, annoying Moulin Rouge and Bewitched aside, I am pretty much into every movie that she makes and find Nikki Kids to be an incredible actress. How weird is that?

I just saw Margot at the Wedding. All frumpy and homey (because you only get cred as a serious actress, if you can play sans make-up) Kidman pretty much delivered hardcore, yet again. She was very hostile, and angry, and sarcastic, and bitter, and passive aggressive, so of course I was gonna love that, but it is pretty remarkable that someone so in the spotlight can a) choose some pretty daring, always different roles and b) always succeed in being believably different from herself. Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, et al. take note.

Altho Margot was entirely baffling to me, it did skyrocket to 3rd in my line of fave Nikki Kidz movies. First and foremost will pretty much always be the wickedly hilarious To Die For. Interesting, if you look at her nose in this clip. Not the same nose, Nicole. 2nd is The Others, where she has never looked better and delivered her most poised, mature, graceful performance. 3rd shall be Margot.

Now, what further makes me marvel at why I like Nicole Kidman's performances is that she seems like the type of blond who would actually walk into glass windows. Look here. Seriously, how does this woman pull off such acting feats when in real life I would bet she has nary a brain cell.

Kudos and curses to thee, Nikki.

Insert My Much Cuter Face Below

2008-02-19T18:58:00.000-08:00

But other than that, to quote Julia Roberts, "COLOR ME HAPPY!" I am head-over-heels-in-love with Netflix and swimming in a veritable orgy of their splendor these days. So let's take a moment to gush and show our (my) appreciation. And let it be said, frankly, I think they know a good renter when they spot one and they clearly like to keep their best customers happy. That's smart business.

Last week, despite reported long waits, I got some very hot awards season-fare The Brave One, Elizabeth, Gone Baby Gone, and even Across the Universe. Too bad, none of them were that great at all, but who cares! Netflix LOVES ME!

And if things couldn't get any creamier, I returned two movies on Saturday. This past Monday was President's Day, mind you, and I didn't think the mail was working, so I was gearing up for and fully accepting a major blow to my Q. So on Monday, I see that my movies arrived at that Eden on Earth, the Netflix warehouse in New Brunswick, NJ, which was nice and unexpected. Apparently Netflix was open on President's Day, Score one for me. But surely the mail certainly was not running to pick up my movies and get them to me by Tuesday??? Even their emails to me fully outlined that I would receive The Silence (for my devastating Bergman Rutgers class) and Margot at the Wedding (which I have been dreaming about forever) on Wednesday. Again, fine with me. Mind you, Margot just came out on DVD like 2 hours ago and had a wait to some capacity. So somehow, SOMEHOW, I come home from a lackluster gym workout and my two movies are waiting for me! How did Netflix do it!??!?!?! I don't know. They must be wizards.

And again, they love me. So I am putting them to the test. I put Michael Clayton to the top of my queue. This movie has a VERY LONG WAIT - I have never done well with those; so we'll see if Netflix again bumps me to the front of the line.

More on this soon.
Yay, netflix. If they continue spoiling me like this, I will never even try to get a life anymore, and who would blame me?

Goodbye to Monica; we were lucky to have her

2008-02-18T17:23:00.000-08:00

Monica Seles officially retired. This is sad - especially considering that recently there was talk of a comeback. It had been over 5 years since she played apparently so one would not really expect too much in the comeback arena, but still how nice it would have been to see her pounding the ball, double-fisting from both sides. She has even slimmed down again, which was inspiring.

Anyway, I just love Seles for every reason imaginable. Her entrance to the tour, blowing everyone off the court with her power, and let's face it, she certainly should be credited for raising the level of play of everyone who came after her - or at least the strength and power. Granted, it was inevitable, but she certainly revolutionized this. Everything about her is just so interesting, even beyond her fierce groundstrokes. Off the court, she seemed like a non-stop gigglefest. I often wondered how she could be so tough on the court when afterwards, it didn't seem like she took anything seriously. There is much talk lately about grunting in the women's game. Apparently grunting for men is no issue. Well, Monica grunted first. I thought it was amazing and totally fun. I know most disagree with me.

I guess it can' be a tribute to Seles unless we acknowledge that fateful day in 1993. I won't dwell on it, because I am sure Monica wouldn't want me to, but on that day, she got stabbed in the back by a crazy Steffi Graf fan. She is still haunted. And who could blame her.

Graf and Seles probably have the 2nd greatest rivalry after Navratilova and Chris Evert, but this stabbing is just freaky and almost makes me think twice about even commenting on their rivalry. If you are counting, Graf holds a commanding lead 10-5, which kinda shocks me. As I recall Seles was kinda owning Graf for a while, but I was like 14 so it is all so hazy.

Monica won 9 slam titles: 4 Australian, 3 French, 2 US Open, Finalist at Wimbledon once, Finalist at the US Open two other times, and one more at the French.

Here is a link to her US Open semifinal match against Capriati in 1991, which rightfully stands as one of the best women's matches ever.

Thanks for being there for us, Monica.
I think you should coach Jelena.

It Made Sense in My Dream: Cocker Westie

2008-02-15T20:05:00.000-08:00

The other night I had a delightful dream. Really. And in my dream I had a dog (I know, right?); not that that is so interesting or remotely delightful in and of itself. But in my dream my dog's name was Alleluia (alternate spelling Halleluiah). I find this to be an amazing dog name. "Come here, Alleluia!" or "Alleluia, leave me alone!" or "Don't be afraid, Alleluia doesn't bite" could all be wonderful things to say. So once again, the notion struck me as it does every so often: Do I want a dog?

I don't know why I sometimes think I do. Actually, I could probably easily psychoanalyze this, but I don't need to give any credence to those theories, or at least I should not voice them myself. Anywho, having a dog is so in right now, which actually would be more of a detractor for me than anything else. And much like Juno, maybe I need to put the bonds of loyalty really to the test. But that doesn't seem fair to Alleluia. The only real reason I have ever thought maybe I would like one is that I think it could be an interesting experiment for me, but I hear neglecting a dog can be a criminal offense. My argument of "I knew that was gonna happen; I just wanted to double check" probably wouldn't hold in a court of law. Damn. And now this 2nd reason (the name Alleluia) is certainly tempting.

So I took a dog quiz. Given my answers, I am surprise the quiz even churned out a response. I have no desire to ever groom my dog, and my ideal dog is hairless, mute, and as close to invisible as possible. But the quiz gave me three choices and the clear winner of the three was none other than the Cocker Westie. Who knew this freakshow even existed? This dog is by no means freaky; it is quite cute, but the name sure does make me giggle.

So let's weigh the Pros: A kick ass name, a giggly breed, and um, a reality show in the making? Dog Hater Gets Dog

The cons: I hate odors and barking. The crazy dog girl upstairs already has two too many dogs I never want to see on a daily basis. I don't want to pay to feed it. I don't want dog hair anywhere. I hate neediness. Picking up dog feces seems like a fate which should only be reserved for Greek tragic heroes.

I am a firm believer, sometimes, in the notion that dreams hold truths. Drowning puppies is always a good punch-line to a joke. Maybe I woke up too soon. Sorry dog lovers; it was my subconscious, not me.

R.I.P. Alleluia, R.E.M.
Who existed for a mere nanosecond, if you believe the science of sleep

Awkward...Creepy

2008-01-28T11:00:00.000-08:00

"I haven't seen something this awkward since
Richard Gere kissed Jodie Foster in Sommersby.

Will, Will and Grace

THE TIPPING POINT

when sexy goes creepy

2008-01-27T08:49:00.001-08:00

Ok, Tennis season is underway and we love that. But I am most fearful over one thing this season: unnecessary and annoying repetition of annoying comments made by announcers. So, Mary Carillo, Dick Enberg, Pam Shriver, Chris Fowler, Bud Collins, Mary Joe Fernandez, et al., here are 5 things we don't need to be reminded of all year long.

5. Maria Sharapova's serve let her down last year. We know. We've heard it. We even saw it.
4. "Come on!" - Ok, this is for the players. I am sick of this mantra being shouted, shrieked, yelled, bellowed with trademark fist pump, usually glaring at your coach. Everyone says it; it is time for something new.
3. Justine Henin's mom died of cancer. Justine Henin's mom took Justine to the French Open. Justine told Justine Henin's mom she would win this one day. We've heard this story for a million years. Put it to rest.
2. Lindsay Davenport had a baby last year. His name is Jagger. Got it, thanks.

And the thing I most dread hearing all year long....
1. Ana Ivanovic, in war-torn Serbia, practiced tennis in a drained/converted swimming pool. That fact used to be cute. Now, you don't even want to know what I am wishing.

A Breakdown of Sharapovs

2008-01-26T08:30:00.000-08:00

I can admit it, I like and root for Maria Sharapova a lot. I know she has her detractors and rightfully so; her father is fairly horrendous. But let's break this down. She actually is more in line with most people that I hate, so why do I giver her a get out of jail free card? This needs some examination so let's take this chronologically.

1. Her Wimbledon win. Remember she came into this match as the biggest underdog since Iva Majoli won the French, and I like most underdogs. Also she upset Serena during the time when I was sooooo sick of tiara-wearing Serena. She played with guts and overcame the pressure of a huge moment, under which 99.9% of other players would have wilted. She has my respect.

2. Post Wimbledon. Ok, in the US Open after Wimbledon, she lost in the third round to Mary Pierce, which is not the worst loss ever because that was still when Pierce was somewhat viable. Sharapova-mania was out of control by this point, but she was 17 and human. Was she just an iva majoli flash in the pan? Just you wait and see.

3. The next bajillion slams. Sharapova was the consummate semifinalist (not including the French, although she was semifinalist there 2007. AND SHE HATES THE RED CLAY!). She made it to the semis of 1)Australia, losing to Serena (who went on to beat Lindsay), 2)Wimbledon, losing to Venus (who went on to beat Lindsay), 3)US Open, losing to Clijsters, (who went on to beat Pierce). The next year, she made it the semis of Australia, losing to Henin, who went on to quit in the final because her tummy hurt; she lost in the semis of wimby losing to eventual champ mauresmo and then finally, FINALLY got to another actual final at the open and won. The point is, this consistency is inspiring and pretty much rarely seen - except for that year when Venus and Serena played in the final of everything and Serena won. I didn't like that then; I mildly like that now. Anyway, Maria entirely solidified herself as legit "i am not anna kournikova" funness.

4. Her funness! Let us not forget, she is kinda fun. Her interviews and quips tend to be blunt, sarcastic, and thus kinda funny. And just when she could have been at her most annoying, out comes the "I Feel Pretty" Commercial, which should def rank in the top 10 commercials of all time.

5. Her second biggest moment. Maybe I really only like her because her biggest moments came at beating people i currently hated. See Wimbledon above (but I now like Serena). She beat Justine at the Open when no one really thought she had that in her. Plus, she beat Justine. How could I not love her?

6. Her style of play. Honestly, I think this is why I like her most of all. I just think her strategy to hit ball as hard as she can at all times is quite interesting, and kinda funny, in its severe flawedness. Yet it works. If I were a tennis player I would probably do the same thing. Recently she is bringing more variety to her game, which is necessary. Still, she will usually go about hitting the ball so unnecessarily hard, and when things arent going right, and she needs to find a way out of a funk, what does she think to do? "I guess I should just hit it even harder." I think she is a fun player to watch.

6a. Her play during the Australian Open was pretty much spectacular. It was scary where and how she was hitting winners. Mary Carillo said it best: Maria looks like a hunter out there and Ivanovic is Bambi.

7. She is pretty, and emerged at a time when the women's tour seemed to be getting increasingly nast.

It's Only Meredith

2008-01-24T18:03:00.000-08:00

Ok, So I took a "Which Character From The Office Are You?" Quiz. Despite all inclinations to do so, I did not try to guide my answers towards certain characters (Jim or Pam); I answered honestly. I was momentarily scared I was going to be labeled a Dwight, and then I was tickled when I thought, "Oh my, I really am Angela!" Which would have been fun, yet scary, and further proof that I have turned into my mother. But alas, I got Meredith. It has nothing to do with drinking, not entirely. As it turns out, I would love to be a stay at home parent, and I often just shrug important things off, thinking it better just not to bother, because, seriously, why even try? I am embracing my inner Meredith.

Which Character From The Office Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

The Madness Keeps Coming

2008-01-22T17:48:00.001-08:00

Ok, This Aussie Open is going down in the books, as pretty much rocking. And I don't even care that my picks were fairly disastrous. Thanks, Andy Murray and Agnes Szavay. I will still root for them though - and probably pick them to do well, only to get those hopes dashed. Anyway, the fun kinda started with crazy long matches, including the premature ousting of Andy Roddick from another major, the most exciting Federer scare from Funky Serb, (not to be confused with Pretty Serb, Hammy Serb, and Delightful Serb). From there we saw the most historic match (so far!) of this Open, as, in case you haven't heard, trashy Lleyton Hewitt played newly cleaned-up Marcos Baghdatis in a match that didn't start until 11:47pm local time and ended circa 4:30 am. It was a great match, except the wrong person won. This day also included a wonderful press conference where new matriarch Venus Williams defended her refusal to be moved to another court so Lleyton could go on earlier. She was poised and graceful, basically like her swinging volleys, but in oratory form:

Q. Is it correct that the referee or the scheduling people gave you the option of not playing tonight and holding over to tomorrow?

VENUS WILLIAMS: I'll tell you a synopsis of what happened, and I really don't want to take any more questions about that. But basically the day session went longer, and, you know, the tournament did ask if Sania and I would consider playing at Vodafone or playing tomorrow.

Both of us didn't want to, for reasons that we felt like our match was important. We also felt like we wanted the schedule to go as planned and that, you know, we are very good players and wanted to play.

Also for the fact that we were in doubles and Sania is also in mixed. So that makes it very difficult for us too. So the tournament definitely listened to us, and gave us the opportunity to go out there and play some great women's tennis.

I think we're both happy with the result of what the tournament chose, and we played some good tennis for the crowd.

OK, but then came last night - when things went bonkers, but in a great way. It started with a match which clearly was to pull on my heartstrings: Serena vs. Jelena Jankovic. A year ago, I was still hating Serena. I admit my error and plain, wrong, and dumb thinking for so many years. But she was a fun cat-suited nemesis for a while. Now, I am pretty much on team Serena, but she really needs to dress up a bit more; she looks like a soccer mom who just got out of Curves and is running into the grocery store. So I was kinda for Serena, but that was only because we didn't know what was happening in the subsequent match (see below). But Jelena is probably my favorite woman's player, because she is just so fun to watch and kinda silly, but moves like a gazelle; there, I actually said that. But she is pretty much a non-stop giggle and emotional delight on court. Anyway, back to the match, because let's keep our judgment based solely on the tennis, k? Jelena did everything she needed to do. She ran everything down and kept up the power and pace, and pretty much nailed anything that was a backhand. Serena, was clearly sub-Serena. Every commentator is in a tizzy because her "collapse" was so unexplainable. I have the answer. She had an off day. She knew what she needed to do; her heart was in it and she tried; she couldn't get things to work and her opponent pushed some buttons. It was a fun match to watch, and really most Janky matches are. And because Justine lost later, we are fine with Jelena winning here. Frankly, she needed a breakthrough against a real top player at a major.

Ok...Now on to the real excitement: Justine (I haven't lost since that freak Marion Bartoli match at Wimbledon) Henin vs. Maria (I am a top player, I really am) Sharapova. This match was scheduled to start at 3:30am, and I really thought about waking up for it. I set my alarm actually, but when it went off, I just decided to let it go. I am a working man, after all. So I lingered and didn't sleep well and actually dreamed about seeing the Yahoo headline of a Sharapova win. At 6:57 I woke up and turned on australianopen.com, and there was the magical headline "Sharapova sizzles Past Helpless Henin" This post is getting very long so let's cut to the chase. The score made my day 6-4, 6-0. But it wasn't until I saw the replay of the match later in the day where it really sunk in. Henin was helpless. She kinda got it together late in the first set, but really she was a scrambling mess and Sharapova stood there like a giant and controlled everything. She was shrieking; her shots were booming. I love how she hits the ball so unnecessarily hard all the time, but it worked and she made some sick angles. Her serve is on fire. Way to go, Maria (I will stand wherever you hit the ball, and hit an unreal winner past you) Sharapova.

This was such a crazy day, mind you. Oscar Noms, Heath Ledger, and at some point I may have to get political to defend my Obama against that shrew.

The Golden Globes That Weren't

2008-01-13T08:07:00.001-08:00

No strike can keep me from casting my vote!
1. BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
AMERICAN GANGSTER 
ATONEMENT 
EASTERN PROMISES 
THE GREAT DEBATERS 
MICHAEL CLAYTON 
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN 
*THERE WILL BE BLOOD 
Neck in neck for NCFOM and TWBB, which would annoy me then if there is Michael Clayton sneak attack win. I would go with NC, but I think it will be Blood after all.
2. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS– DRAMA
CATE BLANCHETT – ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE
*JULIE CHRISTIE – AWAY FROM HER
JODIE FOSTER – THE BRAVE ONE
ANGELINA JOLIE – A MIGHTY HEART
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY – ATONEMENT
Down with Jolie in a boring movie.
3. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR– DRAMA
GEORGE CLOONEY – MICHAEL CLAYTON
*DANIEL DAY-LEWIS – THERE WILL BE BLOOD
JAMES MCAVOY – ATONEMENT
VIGGO MORTENSEN – EASTERN PROMISES
DENZEL WASHINGTON – AMERICAN GANGSTER
I barely care. I don't need a smug Clooney, unless he talks about Barack Obama, which I would support, encourage, and love. We need that.
4. BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
ACROSS THE UNIVERSE 
CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR 
HAIRSPRAY 
*JUNO
SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET 
This race is interesting. I feel the Globes love to honor musicals. I would have said Sweeney was a shoo-in, but Juno has so much momentum right now. I pray it isn't Hairspray, and nothing seems good about Charlie Wilson
5.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS – COMEDY
AMY ADAMS – ENCHANTED
NIKKI BLONSKY – HAIRSPRAY
HELENA BONHAM CARTER – SWEENEY TODD
MARION COTILLARD – LA VIE EN ROSE
*ELLEN PAGE – JUNO
Same as above. Marion probably has all the right reasons to win: foreign, musical, showy role, but Juno is buzzing and the globes, in an almost pedophilic way, love to award the ingénue. Poor Laura Linney, in the best performance of the year.
6. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR - COMEDY
*JOHNNY DEPP – SWEENEY TODD
RYAN GOSLING – LARS AND THE REAL GIRL
TOM HANKS – CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN – THE SAVAGES
JOHN C. REILLY – WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY
This has to be a no brainer right?
7. BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
BEE MOVIE 
RATATOUILLE 
*THE SIMPSONS MOVIE! (exclamation point, mine)
8. BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
4 MONTHS, 3 WEEKS AND 2 DAYS (ROMANIA) 
*THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY (FRANCE AND USA)
THE KITE RUNNER (USA) 
LUST, CAUTION (TAIWAN) 
PERSEPOLIS (FRANCE) 
Kite Runner upset?
9. BEST PERFORMANCE BY A SUPPORTING ACTRESS
CATE BLANCHETT – I’M NOT THERE
JULIA ROBERTS – CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
SAOIRSE RONAN –ATONEMENT
*AMY RYAN – GONE BABY GONE
TILDA SWINTON – MICHAEL CLAYTON
I think I am over this role, having never even seen a commercial or clip of it.
10. BEST PERFORMANCE BY A SUPPORTING ACTOR
CASEY AFFLECK – THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES
*JAVIER BARDEM –NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN – CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
JOHN TRAVOLTA – HAIRSPRAY
TOM WILKINSON – MICHAEL CLAYTON
Over this one as well. I am now fully in the Tommy Lee Jones camp as the stronger performance in this movie; however, even TLJ is behind both Josh Brolin and Kelly MacDonald. I just thought of Kelly, and my heart just broke.
11. BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE
TIM BURTON – SWEENEY TODD
*ETHAN COEN & JOEL COEN – NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
JULIAN SCHNABEL – THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY
RIDLEY SCOTT – AMERICAN GANGSTER
JOE WRIGHT – ATONEMENT
A few weeks ago I still might have said Director would go to Burton. Sadly, I feel he is waining.
12. BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE
DIABLO CODY – JUNO
*ETHAN COEN & JOEL COEN – NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
CHRISTOPHER HAMPTON – ATONEMENT
RONALD HARWOOD – THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY
AARON SORKIN – CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
Or Diablo.
13. BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE
MICHAEL BROOK/ KAKI KING and EDDIE VEDDER – INTO THE WILD
CLINT EASTWOOD – GRACE IS GONE
ALBERTO IGLESIAS – THE KITE RUNNER
*DARIO MARIANELLI – ATONEMENT
HOWARD SHORE – EASTERN PROMISES
I haven't a clue. Atonement because I saw it, and they included typewriters in their score. That's novel.
14. BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE
"DESPEDIDA" – LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA Music by: Shakira and Antonio Pinto Lyrics by: Shakira
"GRACE IS GONE" – GRACE IS GONE Music by: Clint Eastwood Lyrics by: Carole Bayer Sager
"GUARANTEED" – INTO THE WILD Music & Lyrics by: Eddie Vedder
*"THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW" – ENCHANTED Music By: Alan Menken Lyrics By: Stephen Schwartz
"WALK HARD" – WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY Music & Lyrics by: Marshall Crenshaw, John C. Reilly, Judd Apatow and Jake Kasdan
I am strictly voting for Amy Adams here, knowing that the best song of the year "Falling Slowly" from Once isn't here.
15. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
BIG LOVE
DAMAGES
GREY’S ANATOMY
HOUSE
*MAD MEN
THE TUDORS
Mad Men seems to be the new it thing, kinda boring category
16. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS TELEVISION– DRAMA
PATRICIA ARQUETTE – MEDIUM
GLENN CLOSE – DAMAGES
MINNIE DRIVER – THE RICHES
*EDIE FALCO – THE SOPRANOS
SALLY FIELD – BROTHERS & SISTERS
HOLLY HUNTER – SAVING GRACE
KYRA SEDGWICK – THE CLOSER
I can't vote for screechy Sally Field. I would love it if Glenn Close won, and then, hey, maybe started making movies again.
17. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR TELEVISION– DRAMA
*MICHAEL C. HALL – DEXTER
JON HAMM – MAD MEN
HUGH LAURIE – HOUSE
JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS – THE TUDORS
BILL PAXTON – BIG LOVE
While Mad Men is buzzing, I don't feel like any of the performances are. David Fisher is so hot and sleek and sexy right now. And I can say the exact opposite about Bill Paxton, an annoying threat here.
18. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
30 ROCK
CALIFORNICATION
ENTOURAGE
*EXTRAS
PUSHING DAISIES
Although Pushing Daisies seems to be the belle of the Globes.
19.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS TELEVISION COMEDY
CHRISTINA APPLEGATE – SAMANTHA WHO?
AMERICA FERRERA – UGLY BETTY
TINA FEY – 30 ROCK
ANNA FRIEL – PUSHING DAISIES
*MARY-LOUISE PARKER – WEEDS
We are all over Ugly Betty, right? I don't see Fey winning for her acting at any awards show, but I would gladly be wrong. The Pushing Daisies girl is annoying.
20. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR TELEVISION– COMEDY
ALEC BALDWIN – 30 ROCK
STEVE CARELL – THE OFFICE
DAVID DUCHOVNY – CALIFORNICATION
*RICKY GERVAIS – EXTRAS
LEE PACE – PUSHING DAISIES
A repeat of the Office (british) double-slam from a few years ago? I would love Carell to win again. I want to hold hands with Lee Pace.
21. BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TV
BURY MY HEART AT WOUNDED KNEE
THE COMPANY
*FIVE DAYS
LONGFORD
THE STATE WITHIN (BBC AMERICA) 
No idea. In 8th grade, I read Bury My Heart
22. BEST ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES/MOTION PICTURE TV
*BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD – AS YOU LIKE IT
DEBRA MESSING – THE STARTER WIFE
QUEEN LATIFAH – LIFE SUPPORT
SISSY SPACEK – PICTURES OF HOLLIS WOODS
RUTH WILSON – JANE EYRE
No one say "Starter Wife" to me ever again.
23. BEST ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES/MOTION PICTURE TV
ADAM BEACH – BURY MY HEART AT WOUNDED KNEE
ERNEST BORGNINE – A GRANDPA FOR CHRISTMAS
*JIM BROADBENT – LONGFORD
JASON ISAACS – THE STATE WITHIN
JAMES NESBITT – JEKYLL
I like Jim Broadbent as a person.
24. BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS TELEVISION (SERIES/MOVIE)
ROSE BYRNE – DAMAGES
*RACHEL GRIFFITHS – BROTHERS & SISTERS
KATHERINE HEIGL – GREY’S ANATOMY
SAMANTHA MORTON – LONGFORD
ANNA PAQUIN – BURY MY HEART AT WOUNDED KNEE
JAIME PRESSLY – MY NAME IS EARL
I am so over Heigl it isn't even funny.
25. BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR TELEVISION (SERIES/MOVIE)
TED DANSON – DAMAGES
KEVIN DILLON – ENTOURAGE
JEREMY PIVEN – ENTOURAGE
*ANDY SERKIS – LONGFORD
WILLIAM SHATNER – BOSTON LEGAL
DONALD SUTHERLAND – DIRTY SEXY MONEY
Serkis is still overdue for the awards he missed out for playing Gollum. If we were to make a list of 10 people who go out of their way to annoy me, the other 5 nominees could all possibly make it.

Happy Strike!

The Land of Oz

2008-01-12T18:30:00.001-08:00

My blog of yesteryear got pretty crazy when it came to Grand Slam picks. It was always interesting to nobody except me. Mostly because it was just so difficult to write and really just organize. I will try to make this more comprehensive and succinct. And by the way, I was always disastrously wrong. But I do pride myself on picking Ana Ivanovic to make it to the final of Roland Garros last year. Anywho, here is what I am seeing, starting with the round of 32. If you have any questions, feel free to ask, or comment. Roger has been ailing, but this will not affect him one iota.

Ladies, ladies, ladies... ANYONE BUT JUSTINE. That's all I am asking.

Shout out to the L-train, Lindsay Davenport. Get your ranking up! She will be seeded by Wimbledon....maybe. She is out in the 2nd Round to Sharapova, but I am not at all confident in that choice.

Ode To My Blister

2008-01-10T17:17:00.000-08:00

I have a painful blister.
It hurts me oh so much
Sing it to me, sister
I really need a crutch.

My new's year resolution
Was to get back into shape
But this blistery intrusion
Has bandaged me in tape.

If ever this blister pops
Or alien to spring out
I hope I'll soon be tops
No more cringe and pout.

I bought some Neosporin
I seemed to do the trick!
Or that growth was just some foreign
Entity to pick.

Lately, the puss's subsidin'
There's not quite as much ooze
On skates I'll soon be glidin'
Perhaps try out the luge!

I'll soon be on my feet
And back to my merry self
My Aussie Open sheet
is waiting on the shelf!

-Aussie Open picks next! YES!

Karen Walker would totally snap at me, "You need to get your head out of the clouds and your legs up in the air."

Save the Globes

2008-01-05T09:44:00.000-08:00

An Open Letter to NBC...would go something like this.

Dear NBC:
You seem hell-bent on broadcasting a Golden Globes telecast to certain failure, as no one will show up, except for a lot of angry picketers. If you insist on going through with this trainwreck, which will most likely only make this infuriating strike worse I have a feeling, you should at least figure out the best way to produce an unscripted show for the enjoyment of many. My solution for you: clips. Now, this is not as easy as it sounds, as an awkward uninspired montage can go from bad to horrendous very quickly; thus shooting itself in the foot. Still, fun clips of nominated performances have the been the very things most noticeably absent from every otherwise fun Globes telecast. In the past, there was never any rhyme or reason to which category was showcased with clips, and I know this annoyed me a lot, probably others. So you can have a whole telecast just of the clips! This could be a way to actually show support for the writers as well, if that is your angle, probably not. Still, globes and any award show scripted banter always sucks it, so that would be nice for me a viewer. Notice how I am not taking sides? I have rambled enough, here is a short list of how to create a good montage of clips:

1. Have a relevant purpose. By showcasing nominated performances, that kind of achieves that purpose. But no one forgets Haley Joel's Tribute to Kids! at the oscars or Lauren Bacall's introduction to a montage of black and white. These are missteps to avoid at all costs! (Sadly I can find no link to either tragedy) Here is a recent tribute to writers (ironic? yes) Just because we see someone physically writing or someone uses the word "write" that does not ensure a good montage...at all. Watch for this.

2. Avoid overly cheesy and/or cliched music. We do not need the score to Braveheart or Last of the Mohicans, lovely as they are. In fact, not having any music is better. A good montage will just show pieces of conversations and scenes but interestingly juxtaposed cuts to new scenes.

3. Strive to be a bit irreverent. The globes can get away with this.

4. Do a fun year in review. Only stick to movies from 2007. This is where the Oscars always go wrong. Remember the tribute to patriotism or something, which basically went through any movie that ever showed a flag in it or something? Dumb. Be contemporary.

5. Just highlight the nominated performances. I guess you would need a host. Don't get that whore and certain picket line crosser Seacrest though.

Paul Plus Two!

2008-01-03T21:20:00.001-08:00

Ok, trying to stick to a January 1st deadline, I am finalizing my honorable mention picks. I saw Once; this glorified jam session ain't making the cut. Although the leads were adorable and if "Falling Slowly" doesn't win an Oscar for Best Song, I am officially over what could be an awesome Oscar category! (Yes, I did just use the term 'awesome Oscar category', followed by an exclamation point.) I may still get in Margot, Kite Runner, and There Will Be Blood. I may have high hopes for Eastern Promises, new on DVD, and lately I am reading wonderful things (Ebert) about Before the Devil Knows You're Dead. Sorry, Roger, you were kinda wrong about Atonement though. I think I wanted to write off Before the Devil as a middling caper, but maybe I shouldn't.

In any event, I am giving Honorable Mention recognition to Sweeney Todd and Superbad. In alphabetical order, let's start with Superbad.

Ok, this movie is hilarious. HI-LARIOUS. I didn't want to like gross Jonah Hill, but I did. Michael Cera is officially the new Bill Murrary. There I said it; I was hoping I would be the first, but apparently not. And McLovin simply rocks my socks off. Whip-smart dialogue, raunchy, yet smart at the same time. I gladly saw it twice in the theater, and both times marveled at the deeper sadness of this premise which superficially seems like a raucous teen romp, and I also marvel at how Jules turns out to be so much more righteous than Becca! With such glowing reviews, why did it not make my official top 10, you might ask? I will tell you: Seth Rogen and Bill Hader. The two most annoying characters of the year, who only proved more annoying because of their desperate refusal to go away and leave the all real fun to the kids. Sure, Seth Rogen wrote the script, but his character warranted 10 minutes and no more. I will mention that I had a hard time choosing among this, Knocked Up, and The Simpsons Movie, as they all kind of fall into that same category of low-brow humor. Although, clearly the Simpsons is not, and therefore, it won out.

Sweeney Todd! This is Burton at his best since Edward Scissorhands, there I said it. The material was just creepy and weird, but with a necessary purpose, and Burton eats everything up. Here, it makes sense, unlike Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, etc. Everyone is having fun being gory and devilish, and thus, so are we the audience. The songs are staged quite impressively and as Grandma R. put it so well, "this modern day opera" succeeds perfectly. What is against it? Well, the singing is weakish. Depp is fine, don't get me wrong, and while not overly stupendous as a singer per se, he is more about presence, which is wonderful. Bonham Carter, has not been as lovable and likable since Howard's End, but a singer she ain't. She does grow on you though which I am still piecing together, and I will support her nom in the Best Actress category. More on that, and I am sure Burton and Depp's Oscar hopes in later posts. "Attend the Tale of Sweeney Todd" is sorely missed here.

The Sixes of 2007

2008-01-01T10:48:00.000-08:00

Well, here is my year end cinematic list. A word on the format. Some of you may be floored as to how anyone could even think of doing a year end list without a nice round number of 10. Well, I am... prepare to have your bubble shattered. This year, I think I should stick to the end of the year deadline, but also I really can't pass up the opportunity to use this post's title. I will include two honorable mentions later. Other films which may very well have figured on this list, but I just haven't seen yet include: Once, Margot at the Wedding, There Will Be Blood, and The Kite Runner. If any of these move me, once I see them, I will let the internet know. I still am kicking myself for missing Margot; it is no longer playing at any theater near me. Noah Baumach is my scribe. To a lesser extent, Elizabeth 2, Into the Wild, and Michael Clayton are lingering this awards season, but I couldn't possibly love, right? Maestro! -

#6 Rescue Dawn (which I often call Red Dawn - this links to my review almost two years ago!) This film was nearly flawless until the final final scene, which didn't quite ring true for me. Still, the rest is a lovely story of camaraderie and hope. Much more literary than prison break suspense, which is always nice. Much of the buzz was surrounding Christian Bale's performance, but for me Best Supporting Actor should be duked out between Steve Zahn and Jeremy Davies. Academy, are you listening?!

#5 The Simpsons (I sang that like in the opening credits). This was a poignant non-stop giggle/guffaw fest. This was just the extended perfect Simpsons episode: great satire, awesome visuals, silliness, touching. Hilarious and genuinely heart-felt, Marge and Homer continue to be America's greatest couple. The movie tried to include every cast member, which is not going un-noticed....albeit some were left out. The trippy Homer spiritual journey is amazing, once again. #4 The Savages A good simple, real story. Is that too much to ask for? And an actor's film. Quiet, touching, at moments heartbreaking, at moments hilarious, and at the best moments, inappropriately hilarious. Linney and Hoffman are superb as the tragically flawed brother-sister tandem. They spend a good half of this movie simply walking to where they are supposed to go, or have been told to go, both of them looking entirely lost. For some reason that got to me. I have seen most of the other contenders for Best Actress. Linney, yet to score a major nom, has 'em beat.

#3 Juno Or as I like to call it: JUNOOOOOOOOO!!!!! From its comic book opening credits this movie is just delightful. At times I wondered if it was too aware of its quirkiness, which sadly I think any quirky movie these days is going to be, but who cares. And isn't it interesting how the pregnant teen is a positive role model for kids? Mindblowing. So fun and touching. Ellen Page is whimsically captivating, so unassuming at first. I swore I would never like Allison Janney, but I have to break that swear. Michael Cera is a hoot, although is he now officially type-cast as sweet, naive, awkward teen? Some awesome one-liners, but more importantly, a perfect little film. Juno for President. Jennifer Garner for a nom!

#2 Zodiac It is kinda surprising I liked this movie as much as I did. I am not the biggest fan of David Fincher, nor do I really love real-life events, cop dramas, and Jake Gyllenhaal as an actor. I normally will respond to a well done epic, which this is, and a period piece, which I guess we can call this, is also something I enjoy. At times Zodiac is downright reminiscent of The Silence of the Lambs, and if you know me, you know you can't go wrong there. You also can't get go wrong with Mr. Mark Ruffalo, who really must be my favorite actor, right? After three hours or so, I was still ready for part 2!

#1 No Country For Old Men Can we call it jumping on the bandwagon when it absolutely fits? I am realizing now that I just said I don't care for cop dramas, No Country is not even close to simply being a cop drama; it is just too epic and grandiose (i.e. magnificent). And even though I truly cherish a good old-fashioned Coen brothers' comedy, I am loving their venturing into other terrain: the western, minimalist drama, horror even, and here they are even adapting someone else's story. Javier Bardem is reaping every award known to man, which is fine I suppose, but I feel he is too overshadowing Josh Brolin and Kelly Macdonald, most notably for me. Maybe if Josh Brolin didn't beat up Diane Lane, but who knows. Kelly Macdonald broke my heart in every frame. NO COUNTRY!

This is getting too long. My Honorable Mention (Plus 2!)in a few days.

Goodnight Dick Clark, and take Seacrest with you

2007-12-31T12:54:00.000-08:00

Don't get me wrong, I do like Dick Clark, mostly for his game show and Bloopers hosting. I never really cared for New Year's Eve, let alone Dick Clarke's New Year's Rockin' Eve. Monica and Ross Gellar pretty much hammered the final nail into that coffin a few years back. But last year it was just sad, creepy, and uncomfortable to have him out there. Brave? No. Have some dignity, Dick! Go out on top, which incidentally was 7 years ago.

As for Seacrest... Jesus Christ...someone is punishing me a) by his very existence b) by his refusal to go away and c) b must mean that people out there think he is good, interesting, talented? Woe are all of us.

In any event, this post isn't too exciting, because New Year's doesn't get my champagne bubbled if you know what I mean. In any event, yay 2008!

The Day I Lost My Marbles

2007-12-29T08:26:00.000-08:00

For three and a half days, I had a pretty bowl of marbles. I am a 30 year old guy. It was horrifying enough when I accidentally shattered the bowl, sending marbles cascading everywhere, but the real story is... where did I get a bowl of marbles?

I will tell you.

Summer '06...it was a good summer. I was helping my parents clean Grandma R's garage. She had a large, LARGE glass jar, about the size of water cooler container, except this was glass with a screw on lid. I found it fascinating. Grandma R. noticed my interest and asked if I wanted it. Polite to a fault, I immediately declined, but she insisted... and I accepted. My mother, sensing the ridiculousness asked what I was going to do with such a jar. I thought maybe I would get a turtle or lizard, or a frog even, and build a planetarium, and finally fulfill the dreams I had as an 11 year old boy, but Mom scoffed. So I said, "Maybe I will just fill it with marbles." Mom laughed. Grandma R. said, "That will be a lot of marbles, but I can get you started." She then went into a nearby drawer and miraculously produced a Ziploc bag full of marbles. Where that bag came from and how Grandma R. immediately knew where it was is clearly a story for another post. In any event, I brought the jar home and the bag of marbles. But I never put the marbles in the jar. The jar sat in my foyer for a year and a half, and sits there still, and the marbles went into a nice serving bowl (probably for fruit) from Marshalls. Then this past Sunday, Christmas Eve Eve, my sister M. and her friend D. were over. D. saw the marbles and asked if he could put them from the Ziploc bag into the bowl. I acquiesced. On some level, I sensed the disaster.

I am a teacher. Believe it. I have this whole week off. I spend my days annoying people with real jobs with IM's and emails, drinking unhealthy amounts of coffee, seeing movies, and keeping up to date on the world of internet porn. I also have private dance parties. Some song I don't think I have ever heard, but is in my Itunes library came on. It is kinda snappy and very gangsta for me. It is called "Battling Go-Go Yubari in Downtown LA" by edIT. Seriously what is it doing in my iTunes? Anyway, I was dancing around my apt, and apparently did a move that was a bit too wide, and hit the fruitbowl, sending the marbles flying everywhere. It made the loudest sound ever. Ever. Remind me to ask my unfriendly neighbors why they weren't concerned about me. It was the sound of Armageddon. It sounded worse than the brother getting crushed under the bookcase in Howard's End looked. (If anyone gets that reference, marry me.)

So I lost my marbles. Not really lost, but destroyed, and like a wonderful trip to the beach when you keep pulling sand out from the oddest nooks and crannies, I am finding marbles everywhere.

My Name is Earl.

Just kidding....Welcome to my blog.